Son of the Flash, Mate of the Fox: Naruto Uzumaki
by chibiBlues
Summary: DISCONTINUED. After being interrupted with his mate by his teammates, Naruto looses it. Powerful Naru. Slash, don't like don't read. Naru/Kyuu, Kakashi/Asuma. Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

Son of the Flash, Mate of the Fox: The Un-touchable Naruto Uzumaki

Son of the Flash, Mate of the Fox: The Un-touchable Naruto Uzumaki!

"blah"- normal speech

'_bah_' normal thinking

"**Jutsu"**

"**Kyuubi talking/ demonic Naruto"**

'_**Kyuubi**__**thinking'**_

"_**Naruto and Kyuubi at the same time/ lyrics"**_

Ch 1 Consequences: You interrupted my sex, now die!

Naruto sighed as he tried to disentangle himself from his mate, and the sheets, without waking him, but, try as he might, he wasn't so lucky.

The deep yet alluring voice of his mate stopped him in his tracks, "**Ne, Naru-chan, where are you going?"**

"I need to go Kyuu, my team."

"**Who cares about them, I was going to try something new."**

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "Ooh, what?"

Kyuu sat up and whispered something into Naruto's ear, "**Now can they wait?"**

Naruto gave his patented fox-grin, which was met by Kyuubi's vulpine grin, "I guess I can put the team on hold, if Kyuubi-sama desires it."

Kyuubi chuckled, "**That gives me another idea…"**

Naruto leaned in to kiss Kyuubi but was stopped dead by a loud banging sound echoing through his mind, "**Naru, don't."**

"But if I don't they'll burst in, than we'll have to limit our time together more."

Kyuubi turned away and gave a childish pout, "**Fine, be that way."**

"Kyuu."

"**What?" **Kyuu turned his head towards Naruto, only for Naruto to steal a quick kiss.

"Love you."

As Naruto started fading away Kyuubi said, "**Love you too, and Nice ass!"**

As Naruto woke up in his apartment, in an extremely bad mood, he quickly rushed to find some clean clothes and a pair of boxers too. Fortunately, all the jumpsuits were dirty, so he threw on a pair of black ANBU pants along with a tight tank-top that clung to his upper body, revealing his muscular chest and his six pack, finally he threw on his sandals and rushed to the door and opened the door before Sakura could knock it down.

"Yes?"

"**Be careful sexy, you can't hide frustration easily."**

'_I'll try.'_

"Hi, ready to go?"

Sakura looked at him in amazement, "N-naruto?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "Yes Sakura?"

This made everybody double take and think '_Whoa, did he just drop the –chan off of Sakura's name?!'_

Naruto's fuse was quickly running out as he stepped out the door and closed it, "Let's go people, I've got things to see and a person to fuck."

"**I'm flattered."**

The rest of team seven was dumbstruck, was this their Naruto? They followed him to the training grounds.

Team seven sat on the bridge, waiting for Kakashi to explain what they were doing today.

"Alright team, there were no missions --"

Naruto scoffed, "More like you were too lazy to arrive on time to get one."

"-- So I'll be helping Sakura build her reserves while Naruto and Sasuke spar."

Naruto was tuning Kakashi out by singing in his head with Kyuubi.

"_You bet I'll hold on tight…"_

"'**Cause I'm gonna love you nice…"**

"_I'm gonna do it right…'_

"_**Let me**__** light a fire in you tonight!"**_

"_**My eyes have never seen someone who looks like you."**_

'_I wonder if you dream of my hands loving you…'_

"**Because I know I do, everyday and every night"**

'_And I know I'll lose control, if I can't crush this appetite.."_

"**This dream is eating me alive…"**

'_This dream is eating me alive__**…'**_

"_**Can't you see I'm burning up inside**_**..."**

'_Can't you see I'm burning up inside…'_

"_**I pray I will not be denied!"**_

"NARUTO!"

Naruto snapped out of his trance, "Yes Kakashi?"

"Did you hear a single word I said?"

Naruto grinned, "Nope."

Kakashi sighed, "What am I going to do with you?"

"But from Sasuke's insistent twitching, I can assume that we're sparring while you help pinky over there."

Inside of Naruto's mind however was a different story there was a Chibi-naru running around Kyuu's cage screaming about the injustices being served to him today, while Kyuu laughed in amusement.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!!"

"**My lord and master,"** _"Yes?" _**"Not you, well not right now, that was last week. I haven't heard someone scream that loud since your first time around."**

Naruto winced, and laughed inwardly at Kyuubi's comment, as Sakura screamed into his ear than proceeded to scream back, "I CALLED YOU PINKY YOU BANSHEE OF A BITCH! NOW GO FUCK OFF WHILE I PROCEED TO PURPOSELY LOSE TO THE POMPOUS UCHIHA OT KEEP HIS FUCKING EGO GLOATED!"

Everybody seemed to shrink at the amount of killing intent rolling off Naruto and the sheer volume of his voice.

As Naruto calmed down, he glared at Kakashi, "Screw the councils orders, I'm going all out and kicking his ass."

Kakashi was shocked, but not surprised, "Fine, but try to at least keep him alive, no Rakari."

"Fine. Let's go bitch, I don't have all day!" Naruto stomped off towards the clearing.

Sasuke gave Kakashi a glare, but he only smiled and said in a hyper voice, "Finally, I'll get to see Naruto hand your ass to you! This is sooooo going on youtube!"

Sasuke stormed off to the clearing while Kakashi pulled out a video camera, '_I never did like that ass, Asuma-kun's is much better!'_

Sasuke slid into his families Interceptor stance, "C'mon dobe, let's go."

Sasuke tensed as Naruto reached into his pocket and pulled out a scroll, only to lose his composure when Naruto unsealed a stereo, "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Shut up, the world doesn't revolve around you!" Naruto said as he put a CD in and put it on track 2 and pressed play.

Naruto grinned as the song started, "_**Choose your destiny. Flawless victory. Choose your destiny. Flawless victory. MORTAL KOMBAT! FIGHT!"**_

With the word 'Fight' Naruto disappeared in a blur only to appear in Sasuke's face and punch him in the stomach, causing him to double over, than grabbed him by the hair and repeatedly bashed his face into his knee. As Naruto lifted Sasuke's head up, revealing the Uchiha's bloody face from the broken nose he received, "Whose the dobe now?"

Naruto let go of the Sasuke's head and Sasuke to tried to punch him, only Naruto caught the fist and simply broke his wrist than sent him flying by giving him a punishing kick to the ribs.

Sasuke stood up on shaky legs, his nose, right wrist and six or seven of his ribs were broken. '_What the hell!' _"Screw playing around **Sharingan!"**

Naruto sighed as he heard Sasuke activate his blood line, '_Kyuu, why did you give the Uchiha's a blood line?'_

Naruto felt, and saw, Kyuu give a sheepish smile, "**The few I met had nice asses and weren't power crazy, like Itachi for example, I believe that part of the clan lives on an island in wave country."**

Naruto dodged a punch from Sasuke, '_Nice asses? Are you that easy?'_

"**No! I was bored and it was great sex."**

Naruto sighed than grabbed Sasuke's foot and elbowed it at the knee causing the cartilage to tear and his knee to bend in a way it wasn't supposed to, "Ya know, I'm tired of playing."

Naruto kicked Sasuke in the chin, sending him flying about a good twenty feet in the air with the **Shadow leaf dance****. **Naruto appeared behind him and threw a left at his head, than a right, than he threw a three pronged kunai pass Sasuke and reappeared in front of Sasuke's eyes in a yellow flash, "Remember this, I'm the next Yellow Flash!" Than Sasuke noticed the chakra ball in Naruto's right hand, as the Kunai was in his left, and thought '_ah shit!'_

Naruto grinned and shoved the sphere into Naruto's stomach, "**Rasengan: Cataclysm!" **

Sasuke was sent crashing into the ground, creating a shower of dust and debris. When the debris settled, it revealed a huge crater with the broken and bloodied Uchiha laying there, barley alive.

Naruto landed in a yellow flash, startling Kakashi, "Damn, all that effort, and he's still alive!"

Kakashi sighed and turned off the camera, "What put you in a foul mood today?"

Naruto turned towards Kakashi with fierce red eyes and said, "You assholes interrupted what was going to be really good sex!"

With that said, Naruto walked over to Sakura, who was crying over her broken Uchiha, and kicked her into the crater, after attaching an explosive tag to her back, "That was for all the damn times you hit me! I can't believe I faked liking you for so long, I don't even like girls!"

That statement made Kakashi let loose a perverted giggle, which attracted Naruto's attention, "I'd burn your books," Kakashi gulped nervously, "But I know what kind of fun you and Asuma have with them, if the sticky pages and the smell are any indication. So be glad, you get off easy!"

Kakashi let out a relived sigh and hugged his book tightly, "Thank you Naruto! Thank you!"  
Naruto grinned and walked off towards town, looking extremely cool while doing so since the explosive tag went off, to continue his rampage. Kakashi, being the good teacher he was, summoned some med-nins and disappeared before they arrived. When the med-nins arrived, they were horrified at the sight before them.

One senior nin, lets call him Rai, sighed, "Put the hospital on full alert, I want a medical staff ready for any and every type of injury."

"Yes sir" One medic said than disappeared.

"Sir, who or what could have done this?"

Rai sighed, "Last time something like this happened is when Obito Uchiha died and Kakashi Hatake, his boyfriend and bed partner, proceeded to injure all of Konoha's Shinobi force."

"Wait, one person did this?"

Rai nodded, "Yep, and there will be more to come. Now get to work! I want those two ready to be moved ASAP!"

"YES SIR!"

As the medics worked Rai let loose a whimper, "Only thing is, Yondamine-sama was the one who stopped Kakashi, but the wounds on the Uchiha suggest a Rasengan strike, so was it Uzumaki who did this? And if so, who can stop him?"

* * *

There, this Fic was a completely random thought I had to put down. If Naruto is too powerful, who care, it's for comedic purposes. If it's not very funny, I'll try to work on that. For those who are aginst slash an look at me funny for writing it, here's what I say, "A author should be well rounded and well versed in all types of writing. Besides, who doesn't, at some point in time, Picture Naruto and Kyuubi together, honestly!"

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor do i own the songs "Lets Light A Fire Tonight" by Aiden and the Mortal Kombat song "Techno Syndrome" by KMFDM.


	2. Chapter 2

Son of the Flash, Mate of the Fox: The Un-touchable Naruto Uzumaki

Son of the Flash, Mate of the Fox: The Un-touchable Naruto Uzumaki!

"blah"- normal speech

'_bah_' normal thinking/ flashback

"**Jutsu"**

"**Kyuubi talking/ demonic Naruto"**

'_**Kyuubi**__**thinking'**_

"_**Naruto and Kyuubi at the same time/ lyrics"**_

Ch 2: To piss of the Kyuubi, NOT a good idea.

Naruto arrived at a random training ground, after destroying several stores, injuring fifty random villagers, and ended the reproductive career's of several male ANBU, sent half of the female population into coma's when he purposely lifted his shirt into the air when he yawned and, most importantly, used that damn cat Tora as a football and created a new D- rank mission, 'Clean the Remains of Tora off of Hokage Mountain.'

"**Good, I never liked that damned cat anyways."**

"You just don't like cats because of….."

"**Stop there Uzumaki! You will not mention that incident in my presence!"**

Naruto sat down at the base of a log, "How can I not mention something in your presence, you're always around?"

Kyuubi, in fox form, was flailing his arms, anime style, hysterically, "**EXACTLY! That means that that incident shall never EVER be mentioned!"**

Naruto giggled, "It's not my fault you thought Nibi No Nekotama was a man….."

"**Honestly, here's how things went down…."** Before Naruto's vision fades into Kyuubi's past, he is sent an image of Kyuu wearing baggy jeans, an open hoodie, and a ridiculously sized gold chain with a backwards baseball hat, sunglasses and a Mic in hand while in fox form.

FlashBack

"**Aight, it all started at this club, right.."**

_The scene shows Kyuu, in human form, sitting in a chair watching some male strippers dance._

"**Than all of a sudden, this fine ass guy walks by, right, so I get up to make my move..…"**

_Kyuu jumps up, and follows the male waiter, whose wearing leather pants and a tight shirt, and Kyuubi proceeds to throw cheesy pickup lines at the 'guy.'_

"Jesus Kyuubi, talk about cheap pickup lines. Where'd you learn those, a book for pickup lines?"

Decidedly Ghetto Kyuubi, in the outfit from before, proceeds to stuff a yellow book entitled '_Pickup Lines for absolute idiots'_ deeper into his hoodie using hidden pockets, "**cough Anyway, so I convince him to come back to my apartment, for a one night stand, right, with the promise of the inability to walk in the morning…."**

"The best line of the night…."

_The scene flashes to Kyuu and the 'man' in Kyuu's hotel room where Kyuu pushes the 'guy' onto the bed, where kyuubi moved on top of him and moved his hand to where he expected to find a dick._

"_Let's see what I'm working with tonight." Kyuu paused than jumped back against the wall, not having found a dick "What the Fuck!"_

_The girl smiled and undid her hair, letting the long, purple hair fall down, than took off his shirt, revealing a multitude of bandages around his chest……_

"My god Kyuu, didn't you feel those?"

"**I thought they were muscles…."**

…_and cut them with a clawed finger, causing two huge breast, making Tsunade's look like A-cups, popped out, finally, her ears elongated and two purple-flame tails appeared behind her, "Got ya, Ky-uu-bi."_

_Kyuu growled, "Damn you Nibi!"_

_Nibi Purred, "C'mon Kyuu, don't be that way, come to momma."_

_Kyuubi, having backed himself into a corner, curled up into the fetal position as Nibi descended upon him, "Help me."_

_Next morning_

_Kyuu groaned as he woke up, wishing last night was only a nightmare, but if wishes were fishes, the world would be an ocean, and the Naruto series would be like this fanfic, so last night had actually happened for Kyuu._

"_Please, don't let her have done what I think she did."_

_Unfortunately for Kyuu, she did, which is why he is currently tied down to the bed, dressed like a baby, so Kyuu did what most normal people would do, scream and struggle. And that lasted only until Nibi appeared and shut him with a pacifier._

"_Quiet Kit, go back to sleep."_

_Kyuubi spit it out, "Fuck you Nibi!"_

_Nibi growled, "Shit Kyuu, can't I have any fun?"_

"_No."_

"_Fine," Nibi growled as she untied Kyuu, "You can go free this time, but you have seven days until I come after you again."_

End Flashback

This caused Naruto (and the people reading this fanfic) to raise an eyebrow, "Kyuu, is there something you would like to tell me?"

"**NO! She does that every damn time she corners me! I just got lucky that she was on her period that day!"**

Naruto snickered, "So, every time, the Great and All-Powerful Kyuubi no Kitsune, is cornered by the weaker Nibi no Nekotama, the All-powerful one loses?"

"**I don't know why or how she does it! Actually I know why…."**

"And why's that?"

Kyuubi blushed, "**I remember her babysitting me as a kit," **Insert Nibi Squeals here,** "and her hating me when I grew, so every time we meet she decides that she will force me to relive my days as a kit."**

Naruto, meanwhile, was writing this down for blackmail, "Really now?"

Kyuu Roared, "**THIS ISN'T FUNNY!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EMBARRASSING IT IS!! Time with her ranges from one day to almost a year! I purposely attacked this village to get away from her!"**

That put Naruto in shock, "You did what?"

Kyuu shrunk, "**Oops that slipped."**

Naruto sighed, "You mean to tell me that you," points at Kyuu, "Attacked this village in an attempt to get away from Nibi." "**Yes" **"All because she likes taking care of you?" "**Whimper" **"Well here's a question, what does your mom do?"

Kyuu roared with a visible blush through his orange fur, "**NO! We are NOT going down that road of conversation!"**

Naruto grinned, "Well than, let's have some fun."

Naruto than tackled Kyuu, who shifted back to human form, onto a mattress he summoned.

"Lets see what I'm working with…." Naruto said as he kissed Kyuu, who was thankful for the Blondes' unpredictability, than moved down wards towards his jeans and undid the button with his teeth and slowly unzipped the zipper with his teeth. As a side effect, Kyuu's nine inch solider shot up, "Well now, aren't you excited to see me?"

Naruto used his tongue to tease the tip of Kyuu's now pulsing member, making Kyuu shudder. Than Kyuu let out moan as Naruto placed him mouth around the newly named 'Kyuu Jr.' and started to suck, starting slowly and than picking up the pace, until Kyuu finally came in his mouth, which Naruto swallowed.

"**Now for the real fun"** Kyuu said as Naruto released his member than he flipped himself over as Naruto pulled off those pesky jeans and gave Kyuu's firm ass a nice squeeze.

"Well, this is amazing," Naruto said as he sent a finger up Kyuu's ass, making him jump a bit, "For the first time in recorded history," there went the second finger, "The great Kyuubi is being," the fingers, having done there job, were replaced with Naruto's nine inch member, making Kyuu moan for the umpteenth time, "the Uke."

Than all talking stopped as Naruto pulled back before thrusting back in, making Kyuu moan loudly.

At an earlier time, near the end of Kyuu's flashback

"Look my friends; it is our youthful comrade, Naruto!"

Tenten gave Lee a funny look as she noticed Naruto sitting there with a look of mirth etched on his face, "Lee, I know what your thinking, leave him be."

"But Ten-chan, it is so un-youthful to be sitting there!" (A/N: I know Lee sounds soo stupid, but it's needed for comedic purposes at the moment, so please endure.)

Tenten sighed, "Neji, quit staring at Lee's ass." She said quietly, making Neji blush, "AND MAKE HIM STOP!!"

Lee turned to Tenten with hearts in his eyes, "Ten-chan! Your flames of youth burn brightly! Please allow me to--"

Lee was cut off by Tenten's staff to the balls, followed by a clubbing blow to the head, "My name is Tenten! Only one person and one person only can call me Ten-chan and that's my Hinata! So, if you attempt that shit again, not only will I kill off any chances of you having children, but Hinata will destroy any and every passage way to and from Neji's plaything!!"

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Anything but that Tenten, please any thing!"

That loud and unmanly shriek of 'NO' came from the mouth of the one and only Hyuuga Neji, the president and sole member of the 'Rock Lee Fan Club,' mainly because he destroyed any and all competition in his way.

Present time, with Naruto and Kyuu

Kyuubi was cursing his own gift of stamina to his Naru-chan, because he was driving him crazy with want. '_**But wait! Are my Orgasm senses tingling? Is he almost….'**_

Kyuu's orgasm impending train of thought was interrupted by a sudden feeling emptiness, and a rather un-manly shriek of 'NO!' that was reserved for fan-girls only. **"Oh HELL NAH! Those damn mortals made a fatal mistake this time, and now they DIE!!"**

Kyuu quickly molded Naruto's chakra for a shadow clone and threw his mind and body into it, leaving the seal with his power only.

Outside world

Naruto was pissed, he was almost finished, but Noooo, that damn Hyuuga had to shriek!

"NEJI!"

Neji looked up in terror, seeing Naruto covered in golden-yellow chakra and the wind swirling around him, and gulped.

Tenten sighed, "Neji, you are sooo fucked; you pissed off Naruto-kun--"

Tenten's gloating was interrupted by a burst of chakra and the appearance of a naked shadow clone with long, crimson hair, the body of a god, blood red eyes, and his appearance alone gave Tenten the image of a fox.

"**You fucking mortals fucked me over for the last time! It's time you learned who exactly you're fucking with!"**

Kyuu than charged the Hyuuga, who was utterly defenseless, being in fan-boy mode and all, and smashed his face in with a wicked knee, followed up with Neji's own trademark, "**Demonic 8 trigrams: 8 gates assault!"**

Naruto sighed as he watched Kyuu destroy Neji, which had now degenerated into Kyuu using a hammer, pulled from hammer-space of course, to beat Neji into the ground.

"Soo, that's the great Kyuubi, the Destroyer?"

"Which part?"

Tenten looked at him funny, "What do you mean?"

Naruto laughed, "Well, his body is that of Kyuubi, the Destroyer of countries. MY best friend, however, is the one I talk about the most." He grinned, "His name is Kyuu Jr., the Destroyer of asses, throats and marriages."

Tenten laughed, "He destroyed a marriage?"

"Yep. He made the dude turn gay after one night, causing his wife to divorce him and his male best friend to pick him up on the rebound. But enough about Kyuu, How's Hinata doing?"

She smiled, "Oh, wonderful, especially after she used that toy you gave her."

He grinned, "Oh, so you both like the toy. But do you wanna know a secret?"

Tenten leaned in, "What?"

"I had that made from a mold of Kyuu's favorite toy, so it's nice for me to feel used for once and a while." Naruto whispered, making Tenten blush, "But, I have to stop Kyuu. So, I'll see ya later Tenten."

Naruto stood up and pulled out a flyswatter and walked up to Kyuu, took aim and swung.

SMACK!

Kyuu jumped, stopping his assault on Neji, and turned around to see his Naru holding a flyswatter, "Kyuu, materialize some clothes and let's go. The bar opens in a few minutes and you just love it when I'm drunk."

Kyuu nodded, "Just let me…" SMACK!

Naruto growled as Kyuu received another red mark on his ass, "Now."

Kyuu gave a slight whine, but did as he was told. He now wore baggy jeans, and a tight leather vest with a collar on his neck and two wrist bands with chains hanging off them, "Happy?"

SMACK!

Kyuu yelped this time, he had hit his back, "Aw, Naru-chan, must you be so mean?"

Naruto grinned, "Oh, my bad, I thought you liked it…."

"Now what ever gave you that idea?"

"My favorite toy…."

Kyuu blushed, "Anyways, shall we go?"

Naruto nodded, "Just a second." He made the flyswatter disappear and picked up Neji and set him on Lee in the '69' position, "Now we can."

They walked off; leaving a laughing Tenten to call the medic-nins, with Kyuu's arm around Naruto's waist and Naruto had his hand in Kyuu's back pocket, getting a cheap feel.

Alright! I tried my hardest to keep this as funny as I could, but, alas, I have a twisted sense of humor, so I tried. Thanks everyone for reviewing, although I wish those who were reading and not reviewing would review, but hey, if wishes were fishes the world would be an ocean. By the way, that Quote come from SvR '07, and is said by Jim Ross.

Also, if anybody knows any good Chibi fanfics for Wrestling, Naruto and/or Final Fantasy leave a review with the name and I'll send a Chibi of your choosing your way, virtual of course.

ChibiBlues


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